bacon, forsaken.

well i’ve been sick as hell and i could go on and on, but it’ll just sound like an excuse. but if you think it is an excuse, just ask jeremy about the amount of snot he’s seen in the past 12 days from me holding a tissue in his face  ”UGH! Do you see THIS? GROSS.”  But! I’m feeling better and have a doctors appointment in the morning, so that’s that. Onto more important things like bacon… or the soon-to be-lack-thereof.

For quite sometime now I’ve been in the middle of an “it’s complicated” relationship status with meat. Before you start throwing rotten bbq scraps at me, please let me clarify.  I love meat. Looooooooove it. Bacon, burgers, ribs, filet’s, fried chicken, sausage, bolognese sauce… must I continue? However, several months ago a little documentary called Food, Inc. came out. I watched a whole 15 minute preview until I just couldn’t take it anymore. So I took that movie preview memory, put it in an old Keds shoebox, and threw it far back into the closet, right underneath the tacky easter wreath.  Whew. That was a relief.  Now where’s my steak?

Just when I thought it was all stashed away, a little article here and there about factory farms and chicken breasts plum full of antibiotics were popping up in my women’s health and google reader (NOT MY GOOGLE READER! ATTACK! ATTACK!) left and right.  Those articles then led to me being a bit more obnoxious at the meat counter. “Is this free-range? Organic? Was it ever frozen?” And- BAM!! – I became one of “those” people. Ugh.  So, I switched to only buying meats at Whole Foods where I wasn’t an obnoxious shopper, in fact, quiet the opposite- obnoxiousness is an expectation!  Also an expectation is bringing your reusable grocery sacks or face the wrath of middle aged  scary hippie lesbian woman . Jeremy and I now own about 42 reusable grocery sacks.

So over the past month, I’ve gradually become more and more weird about eating meat and slowly remembering all the feelings and process I went through when I was a vegetarian from 2001-2003 due to an unfortunate hot dog incident (you don’t want to know).  I’ve still been ordering meat at restaurants, really REALLY hoping that this time I won’t be weird. After the food arrives, though, I spend 30 minutes tearing  my chicken breast into shreds while the rest of our friends look at Jeremy- “dude. did you bring the 4 year old?”

A few days ago I hit my peak. I ordered my favorite delivery Chinese carry-out meal (sesame chicken) and tried not to think weirdo thoughts about how the chicken was probably so fat, pumped with hormones, that it’s genetically engineered chicken legs couldn’t even walk its fat little chicken ass across the dirty chicken house.  The cutie pie delivery guy came, dropped off my delicious meal, I arranged it on my pretty lil plate, soy sauce to the max, wine poured, bachelor on the tivo- what could be better?!

And then…  I couldn’t eat it.  In fact, I was gagging.

So that’s that. I can’t keep wasting food, and the process of trying to figure out if I can stomach meat is exhausting to me. It’s finally not worth it. So, to give myself a break from thinking way too much about it, and to give Jeremy a break from the annoying “i don’t know if I can eat this” remark he’s heard a zillion times in the last 3 months, I’m simply stopping.  From now until my birthday, I’m going to give up red meat and chicken and just stick with fish, tofu and veggie based proteins. I’m going to try to follow some other rules from Michael Pollen’s new book and really try to figure out what my brain and stomach can handle.

This weekend I felt so sad by the thought of bacon being out of my life for a while, I actually pictured a mini-funeral for it. Me, throwing a little handful of dirty over the center-cut bacon package, crying at the grave of my dear dear friend and life partner.  My best hope is that I’ll be able to put the weirdness behind me someday, and a resurrection will occur, but for now, I just have to go with it. I don’t think my body will let me do any less.

And before you even start to consider that I might turn into a smug-type vegetarian… jigga please. i expect nothing less than for you to hold up the chicken skewer fort for me.

the 1 day shred.

January and February are my busiest months at work, but I’ve been trying my best to stay on track with thinking about everything I eat and exercising.  Posts are lacking, but I’ll be back and tweeting again starting today.

The one notable thing I’m starting to think about is making better choices with food. I know when I eat out, I simply make bad choices. Not to mention, I just don’t know what’s in the food unless I order something simple like a salad. So monday, my pal Jeff and I had plans to get breakfast and that morning. If we went out I knew I’d be tempted with a fat stack of pancakes, bacon, mimosas, so on.  So instead, Jeff came over and I made a nice fruit plate, whole wheat waffles and veggie sausage which was surprisingly not so bad.  It was nice saving money and knowing exactly what I was eating as well.

Exercise has been a combination of the gym, free weights and machine weights, but this week I added something new- Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred.  After spending an insane amount of time reading the reviews over on amazon, I decided to netflix it and try it out. Nothing to lose except for 20 minutes, and how much could a little DVD hurt you in 20 silly measly minutes?   Five minutes in I was whispering obscenities at her through my panting and going to the bathroom to do that nasty spit thing that happens when you exercise too hard. Yeah.  BUT – I finished it. Yay!

Immediately after I felt like I was going to die and really needed fresh air, I decided to take a little jog in the cold to meet Jeremy at the train station.  That was fun until he was late. 15 trains come and gone later and there I was in the freezing ass cold waiting, looking like a douche, doing jumping jacks to stay warm.  I even got the “idiot” look from the security gaurd.  He finally arrived and when we got home, the pain struck. Shaky weird legs and my arms felt jelloish. Like I didn’t know if I could lift my dinner plate.  So weak.

And now- I’m sick from the jog in the cold, couching it up, watching a lifetime amount of HGTV. BUT, when I feel better, hopefully tomorrow, it’s back to the gym and the shred.  As much as Jillians little smirks just really annoy me, I can see how the workout is good. I like that the exercises include old school basics like jumping jacks and push ups.  I don’t like that it’s so clear how out of shape I’ve allowed myself to become, and if there’s anything about the shred i can say- it will clearly put it out there that no, in fact you have no abs. it’s true.

Weight: 150 (as of Monday)

taking the night off.

things have been rolling along just fine, exercising and feeling great it’s what makes me see that is what it’s all about. a tiny investment of an hour a day in order to feel good for the other 23.

yesterday, the gym chick said hello to me by name when i scanned in and made me want to jump over that desk and kiss her right on her trainer lips.

so, as scared as i am to do it, i’m taking the night off. i’m worried it will cause me to not want to go back tomorrow, but that’s just something i can’t allow. it’s all about balance, and tonight I really need to catch up on some work, have a glass of wine and chill with my boo. tomorrow- back to the regime.

weight from monday: 152

weekend eats.

As to not blow up the twitter….

Friday night:

D: Rackhouse Pub, a burger (I know) BUT! with a mixed greens salad. Mojito (awful) and a taster size of their house distilled whiskey (yum)

Saturday:

B: cereal, yogurt, banana, coffee

L: 2 shredded beef tacos, chips and pico from small taco stand

D: mixed greens salad with 1/2 baked chicken breast. 1 sweet tea vodka w/ lemonade

Sunday:

B: French toast made with damn good farmers market bread (i’ll be writing more about this on the other blog later), strawberries and oranges

L: Panera cup of chicken and wild rice w/ slice of bread

Snack: mac and cheese from panera (i’ve been wanting to try, over-rated)

Dinner: Slice of Pizza and another side mixed greens salad with plain walnuts. glass of red wine.

Overall, not bad but not great. I’m still basking in the glow of foregoing fries for a salad, cause that’s a really REALLY big deal for me. But you know, I had it with a small shot of whiskey…

on the facts.

You’re never gonna believe it. The red “x” thing worked! At least for yesterday, but I have a feeling it might really work! I mean… the shame I think of when I consider having to pick up that damn red sharpie and figuring out an excuse for doing nothing that day. shame! shame! Oh- and Jeremy informed me that I got it wrong and Jerry Seinfeld actually marked X’s on the days he DID work out, but I feel like that’s just all backwards, so I’m gonna keep it my way. I win!

So- when I think about why I have a little more bootay than I’d like,  and when I’m really honest with myself, it’s because 1) I’m not active enough/lazy/don’t get the exercise I need to burn off the bread and EVOO I shove in my mouth and 2) I don’t eat enough greens. I think everything can safely fall into one of those two categories.  And you know, nothing really sums it up like this photo of what my nightstand looks like right now:

two items in particular i’d like to briefly point out.

1) southern living cookbook

2) Tupperware container of tollhouse cookies…. ON THE NIGHTSTAND.

the end.

‘X’ marks the spot.

So I have to change something up if I’m going to lose any weight at all before 30. Let’s see if this works…

Jeremy told me a few days ago that Jerry Seinfeld (random) uses this method to make sure he’s on top of his exercise game. Posts big calendars and marks a big red X on the days he doesn’t exercise. This way it’s right in his face that he accomplished nothing.  So- here I go!  As you can see- I’m not doing awesome so far which is absolutely ridiculous.  Thank God for Jeremy doing what I requested and pushing me to get off my ass, or Monday would’ve been a big red ‘X’, too.

Alright- let’s do it.  Less than 3 months until my birthday. Less than a month until skiing Vail with Misty.

Got. To. Lose. This. Back fat!

Weight: you’ve got to be kidding me.

still 151.

Once again I got wrapped all into The Biggest Loser this season.  So the finale was last night and I made a healthy (not really, but I used whole wheat pasta!) baked ziti and a nice salad to celebrate. Oh, and I bought a box of wine.  Not to already be changing the subject, but I want to know- Am I the only person under 40 that drinks boxed wine? I mean I just can’t get over the deal! Lasts for a month and is 3 or 4 bottles in one! And the Bota Box uses all environmentally friendly packaging- that has to bring up the cool factor, right? While standing in line at the neighborhood liquor store, though, i always try not to make eye contact with the yuppies and their $25 bottles. What would they think?!

Ok, back to the Biggest Loser. So as always I was blown away seeing how these bodies had completely transformed in ways I never thought would be possible.  I don’t think there was one person this year that didn’t succeed in a major way.  Danny and Rudy’s transformations were absolutely insane.  They looked amazing, but part of me wonders what their bodies will “settle” into as they get home and aren’t fighting for $250K.

Last month Kim wrote a great post that I really identified with.  I look up to Kim’s attitude about fitness and lifestyle.  She works out regularly, and is aware of what she eats, but she also doesn’t torture herself by not cooking the yummy the enchilada lasagna.  I figured out a long time ago that there are certain things I just can’t give up.  I will always choose the mint chocolate chip milkshake over the single scoop.  No way in hell will I give up the side of buttered bread. And if there is a plate of cookies when I’m in the Nashville office, you better step aside.  However- I make a solid effort everyday to get away from awful foods- and I’ll tell ya, it’s a battleground in my head.  The war against the Arby’s less than a mile from my house is in full force anytime I have to drive in that direction. Sometimes, I even make myself drive an entirely longer route just to avoid the agony of rolling past curly fries.

After a couple of months of “doing better” at going to the gym, but still not really dedicated, I remain at 151.  I’m wondering what it’s really gonna take to push me to be excited about working out.  Is it ever going to happen? Is it going to be in losing 5 pounds that will get me into those jeans? Or maybe the fact that I see my dads blood pressure medicine and inability to change his diet literally destroying his kidneys. I don’t need to be skinny, but I really do want to be healthy.  How do I stop the lazy? What’s my breaking point?

Oh, by the way, Jeremy ordered the Biggest Loser DVD for me. Ha!

lucky number 12.

Yesterday Rebecca sent me a link to a photo in a chat message and said something along the lines of “ha ha! i have a photo of you in a midriff!”  Instantly horrified, sweating, heart palpitations -  I replied “Oh god. Delete it! Delete it!” Then I started wondering when the hell I would’ve been wearing a shirt exposing my stomach past the mall-cruising days of 1997?

Thankfully,  it showed very little of my mid-section, and was to my surprise, wasn’t such an awful of a photo! In fact- this was taken when I was spinning my ass off (literally) and feeling great. I was around 135 at the time, and that was in 2005. It was the smallest I’ve been in 7 years.

I told Rebecca I was fairly certain I still had those jeans and I was going to try them on. So- here they are on me now! I erupted with laughter. They actually hurt when I forced them over my thighs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So yeah. Things change. I’m not going to say I’ll ever fit into those again, and that’s ok by me.

For now, I just want to fit into these jeans I bought a little over a year ago:

I’m not even sure why I bought them.  At the time I could have lost about 2 or 3 pounds and they would’ve instantly become my “good butt jeans”. But I didn’t lose 2 or 3 pounds. I gained 10 and they have sat in my closet ever since.

My goal for the next month is to fit into these Lucky’s size 12.  Well.. let me clarify. I want to be able to not just zip them up, but also sit down, breathe properly, and cross my legs. Is that too much to ask, jean fairy?

Happy Thanksgiving to you.

-April

do over.

Is that allowed here? Can I get a do-over? Since this is my weight-loss journey, I say yes. One official do over.

This is just a quick post to say I am about to walk out the door to head to the gym for what feels like the first time in months. Oh wait. It IS the first time in months. And you bet your ass it has everything in the world to do with watching the biggest loser last night and seeing this girls transformation:

It’s not even the weight, it the strength. It’s the fact I couldn’t open the jar of salsa today. And that my energy level is at an all time low.

 stay tuned for my weigh-in. this should be a hoot.

weeks 2 and 3

Wow. That was pretty quick, right? Falling off the wagon after week 1? I guess I can be fair to myself and say I didn’t entirely fall off the wagon, but I certainly got out of step. Like… 15 paces to the left. Not too bad, but it still takes 15 paces to get back to where I was.

Jessica and Tyler came to town at the end of week 2 and BOOM there it went, my drinking/foodie buddy is visiting and what a bad BAD friend I would be if I didn’t spend a lil time showing her around my top eating spots. 

And then there was that wedding in Breckenridge that had all that cake. And free drinks. How often to I get to eat wedding cake and drink my weight in free Cabernet? NEVER. All my buddies are married or have sworn marriage off, so it was my last chance! (was that excuse believable?)

Somehow I’ve manged to keep my weight at a steady pace through this rough patch. I’m out on the bike more, continuing to hit up the gym and yoga with Jeremy. My eating has not been on target, but at least I finally seem to have a conscience about what I put in my mouth. (get your heads out of the gutter!) 

Perfect exaple of that – on Sunday, Jeremy and I went to a fantastic little neighborhood place, Mona’s for a late lunch. The menu is full of tasty brunch items, burgers, sandwiches and cheap yummy drinks. After voicing that I wanted a burger Jeremy gave me that look and said “Are you sure you want the burger?”  Damnit.  I ordered a grilled chicken with a side of mixed greens. Do you know what that jerk orders? The beef brisket with fries. Nice.  But you aren’t gonna believe it – the chicken was… good. And the mixed greens… real good.  I walked out feeling… good.  Not – “ughhh. I can’t believe I just ate that.” And in come the trumpets and ah ha!— I get why people want to eat this way.

Current weight: 151