lucky number 12.

Yesterday Rebecca sent me a link to a photo in a chat message and said something along the lines of “ha ha! i have a photo of you in a midriff!”  Instantly horrified, sweating, heart palpitations -  I replied “Oh god. Delete it! Delete it!” Then I started wondering when the hell I would’ve been wearing a shirt exposing my stomach past the mall-cruising days of 1997?

Thankfully,  it showed very little of my mid-section, and was to my surprise, wasn’t such an awful of a photo! In fact- this was taken when I was spinning my ass off (literally) and feeling great. I was around 135 at the time, and that was in 2005. It was the smallest I’ve been in 7 years.

I told Rebecca I was fairly certain I still had those jeans and I was going to try them on. So- here they are on me now! I erupted with laughter. They actually hurt when I forced them over my thighs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So yeah. Things change. I’m not going to say I’ll ever fit into those again, and that’s ok by me.

For now, I just want to fit into these jeans I bought a little over a year ago:

I’m not even sure why I bought them.  At the time I could have lost about 2 or 3 pounds and they would’ve instantly become my “good butt jeans”. But I didn’t lose 2 or 3 pounds. I gained 10 and they have sat in my closet ever since.

My goal for the next month is to fit into these Lucky’s size 12.  Well.. let me clarify. I want to be able to not just zip them up, but also sit down, breathe properly, and cross my legs. Is that too much to ask, jean fairy?

Happy Thanksgiving to you.

-April

do over.

Is that allowed here? Can I get a do-over? Since this is my weight-loss journey, I say yes. One official do over.

This is just a quick post to say I am about to walk out the door to head to the gym for what feels like the first time in months. Oh wait. It IS the first time in months. And you bet your ass it has everything in the world to do with watching the biggest loser last night and seeing this girls transformation:

It’s not even the weight, it the strength. It’s the fact I couldn’t open the jar of salsa today. And that my energy level is at an all time low. Oh! And that in 5 months from now Jeremy and I will be taking off for two weeks abroad to celebrate my 30th,  and dammit, I will feel good about myself.

 stay tuned for my weigh-in. this should be a hoot.

“.”

disclaimer: this post has little to do with weight-loss.

So, I’m up at 1:00 a.m.  If you know me well, you know this is not how I like to roll. I’m blaming it on my “.” that has finally decided to make it’s appearance after a 3 month hiatus. 14 billion home pregnancy tests later (all negative, of course)… and look who shows up to the party.

I’m blaming it all on birth control pills. I read or heard somewhere recently that women go through 8 types of pills before they find one that works for them. EIGHT. Why the hell is this? And why in 2009 can’t we speed up that pill for men a little faster?  Let them carry the burden for a little while, dammit. 

This most recent pill has been a doozy. Loestrin FE 24. The perks- occasionally not having a period (should have bought stock in EPT, however) and they came with Iron supplements that kept me from devouring 12 oz. filet’s a’plenty. 

The cons – oh man.  To start, I felt like a whale. Not sure if it was in my head or I really did gain weight, but I felt like I had swallowed a balloon. Misery. The worst, though, I got these mood swings at approximately 6 p.m. every single day.  Bless Jeremy’s heart – he had to come up with a “safe word” to let me know I was verbally abusing him.  The word was “inter-tube” because he figured that was a term that would never come up in everyday conversation.  It never failed to be entertaining when we were out at dinner during one of my 6 pm rants. Jeremy had to raise his voice to trump mine… “INTER-TUBE!!!” 

So after a solid trial on the Loestrin FE, I decided to give up and get off them. So… here I am, cramps from hell to welcome me back to the land of the menstruating, 1:20 am… wait… I wonder if the Midol I took had caffeine in it, cause damn… even Star Trek isn’t helping me sleep.  Oh yes- just googled it- plum full of caffeine- wheee! Work should be a BLAST tomorrow!

Long story short – It’s awfully hard to stay on an exercise/diet track when all you want to do is eat hot fudge sundaes and watch every HGTV show you can find.

Here’s to a better Tuesday.

Weekly weight – probably 397 pounds.

weeks 2 and 3

Wow. That was pretty quick, right? Falling off the wagon after week 1? I guess I can be fair to myself and say I didn’t entirely fall off the wagon, but I certainly got out of step. Like… 15 paces to the left. Not too bad, but it still takes 15 paces to get back to where I was.

Jessica and Tyler came to town at the end of week 2 and BOOM there it went, my drinking/foodie buddy is visiting and what a bad BAD friend I would be if I didn’t spend a lil time showing her around my top eating spots. 

And then there was that wedding in Breckenridge that had all that cake. And free drinks. How often to I get to eat wedding cake and drink my weight in free Cabernet? NEVER. All my buddies are married or have sworn marriage off, so it was my last chance! (was that excuse believable?)

Somehow I’ve manged to keep my weight at a steady pace through this rough patch. I’m out on the bike more, continuing to hit up the gym and yoga with Jeremy. My eating has not been on target, but at least I finally seem to have a conscience about what I put in my mouth. (get your heads out of the gutter!) 

Perfect exaple of that – on Sunday, Jeremy and I went to a fantastic little neighborhood place, Mona’s for a late lunch. The menu is full of tasty brunch items, burgers, sandwiches and cheap yummy drinks. After voicing that I wanted a burger Jeremy gave me that look and said “Are you sure you want the burger?”  Damnit.  I ordered a grilled chicken with a side of mixed greens. Do you know what that jerk orders? The beef brisket with fries. Nice.  But you aren’t gonna believe it – the chicken was… good. And the mixed greens… real good.  I walked out feeling… good.  Not – “ughhh. I can’t believe I just ate that.” And in come the trumpets and ah ha!— I get why people want to eat this way.

Current weight: 151

week 1.

Does anyone remember the commercial where that woman is power walking, drinking her fancy pants water and all the famous dudes turn around to look at her? Oh wait! I found it.

“Fit has a feeling…”  Isn’t that so true? I know when you leave the gym or finish up a run or a ride your all pink faced and sweaty, but STILL, feeling SO HOT? 

Yesterday I felt this way. I normally start my work out by just walking at a 4.0 speed and gradually lift the incline to 10. But yesterday – I decided to see if I could just add in some light running in intervals, and I was shocked- I could do it. Don’t get me wrong, I had to fake myself out. Around the 3 minute mark of running I would start telling myself “No, silly girl! You aren’t running! You’re just taking a casual stroll! This is no big deal!”  That would work for two minutes and then, out of breath, I’d have to go back to walking.  I think celebrating the little goals will keep me going.

I also started doing some weights this week. It’s ridiculously intimidating to be in that area of my gym with all the buff dudes.  It’s the fear that I’m doing something completely wrong and they are all staring thinking “idiot beginner”.  So, again with the change in thought, yesterday I just started telling myself that they were all staring because they were ridiculously impressed with my strength and form. Ha!  It worked! After a set of something I would want to high five one of them. Maybe a fist bump. I might even go out and buy a pair of those silly little gloves they all wear.

Anyone else have a similar experience of starting out and feeling intimidated? How’d you deal with it?

Weekly weigh in: 151  (YES!)

I can actually hear my sisters head exploding from here…

…over how many times I’ve misspelled the word LOSE in these posts.  She is (as she reminds me often) the gifted one and all.

What can I say? I’m a spelling loose’er.

Ha?

so far, so good

I know  it’s easy to stay on track the first week of a ‘diet’, but I’m still gonna be proud of myself for doing well this week. It’s amazing, though, how one little thing can throw you totally off.

Example- yesterday Jeremy and I went to Costco later than we wanted, so to go ahead and get on with it so we decided to get lunch on the way.  We stopped by Wendy’s and I had a smaller version of my regular (#1 with cheese). Afterwards- all I could think about was where we could stop to get ice cream. OR WAIT! Costco has that snack bar, maybe I could get a shake there. Oh! And all the samples! YES!  Thankfully, Jeremy is pretty helpful (yet gentle) with helping me stay on track and I made it through without totally spiraling out into calorie land.

Last night we tried a new ‘beginners yoga’ class that we’ve both been looking forward to. From what I remembered from taking yoga back in the dino ages of 1999, it was very relaxing, felt great to do all that streching and whatnot, even some lovely “Ommmmmm”s at the end of class.  All I can say about this new class- YEAH RIGHT.  10 minutes in, Jeremy and I made eye contact, both thinking the same thing- WE ARE GOING TO DIE IN HERE.  

Either yoga chick was on crack, or we mistakenly got into yoga bootcamp for the army reserves. She was spouting off positions every 10 seconds and you had to jump into position and then directly into another one and then I’ll just say these words – THE PLANK.  Are ya’ll familiar with it? If not, just get on the floor and try to do this real quick…

Jeremy said it best “My internal organs were ALL quivering.” At least he was able to do it. I just dropped.

Long story short, we made it through, both fairly drenched in sweat and it wasn’t even Hot Yoga. Today, my chest and upper back— so much pain.

No pain, no gain. Right?

how it’s gonna work

I think the way I can stay committed to this site and to it’s purpose is by setting some firm (yet loose?) rules for myself.  Since everything else I’ve tried has just failed, lets give this a go.

What I will do:

•  Twitter everything I eat and drink, down to the 1/3 peanut butter cookie I just shoved in my mouth.  You will notice those updates to the side of the blog. I will also be twittering every exercise that I do…
• Exercise everyday.  I am going to do the very best I can everyday. Some days that mean an hour on the spin bike, some weightlifting and a yoga class. Other days, the most I can give might just be a walk around my block.  As long as I know I’m giving the best I can, I won’t beat myself up over those trots down the street. It’s all about the day to day.
• Post on this site at least twice a week.  It’ll help me be accountable, and any of you following along won’t just lose interest and stop reading like the other 2 billion blogs I have out there.  Goggle reader should help with this. (oh how I love my google reader)
• Be honest.   Lying about food or how many crunches I can do (none, fyi) isn’t gonna help these thighs go away.

I really hope you’ll follow along on this lil journey.

-April

back fat.

Last night I thought it would be big time fun to ask Cranberry  to take some “before pics” of me.  Because you know, I AM going to lose this weight and how much fun would it be to have those awful before pics. 

Um… yeah.

After he took a front, side and back photo of me, I excitedly snatched the camera out of his hands. I stood there looking at the pictures, stunned and speechless.  The only words I could seem to muster up were…

“I have back fat? Wow. I have back fat.”

I probably repeated those words about 20 times when I looked at Cranny and asked – “Why haven’t you told me I have BACK FAT?!”  He laughed, and responded “How is a guy supposed to tell his lady friend that she has back fat?  Honestly, would that have been a good idea?”  Good point. 

I had all great intentions of proudly posting a before pic here today, which I am still doing, but in order to spare you your lunch, I spruced it up a little.  Behold, the culprit:

 

Being truthful, I can’t blame it on the unhealthy foods, it just comes down to one theme – absolute laziness.

And man, what a lame excuse that is.

Starting weight – 153.5

247 days.

I’ll openly admit that I watch The Biggest Loser every season. 

I have an absolute fascination with the competitors weekly body changes as they get on that embarrassingly huge scale.  It’s the joy I find in seeing their faces literially shrinking in half and then noticing the beginning of defined Michelle Obama-esqe arms right and left. Closer to the finale I’m addicted to noticing the definition in their legs and abs… man- it blows my mind!

Each season I watch, I wonder what my body is capable of.  What could it look like if I really tried?  What is under the layers of cheese dip? Could I have those abs? J. Lo booty?

Once upon a time, when I was back in college, I was strong, I’d even go as far to say moderatly hot.  The summer I worked in the Rocky Mountain National Park, I was hiking or biking those mountains 5 days a week.  My legs were outstanding and if you caught a glimpse of my stomach at the right angle, you might have seen a 2-pack.  I know, I was 19 and oh how things change, but still- I was doing it. 

Fast forward 4 years. Where I discovered beer, my college roommate – Lisa Longley, and lots (and lots) of boys.  Lisa has always known how to bring the party, and I don’t regret a thing about those days.  It was the time of my life, in fact. Looking back, I could have done with a little (or a lot) less PBR or discovering that you can buy a jug of wine for 7 bucks. (7 BUCKS- what a deal!)  In those three years, I made the jump from 115 to 135.

Enter love. Meeting J and falling in love did not aid to my weight battle. Those first two years were filled with a ridiculous amount of laying around, drinking mimosas, Sunday Fido breakfast, elegant (and plentiful) weekly dinners with his family and before I knew it BAM! I topped out my weight at 155 in 2006.

Since then I could give you a world of back and forth- losing 10 pound here, gaining 5 back, losing another 12, gaining 15 back, and so on. It would all just lead you to where I am now- consistently disappointed with my body. The numbers aren’t mattering much to me these days. It’s the fact that I feel weak and unsexy. I didn’t go through the last year of my life to come out feeling this way. And I certainly didn’t move to Colorado to pass out on a moderate level hike.

So- my challenge: 130 pounds by my 30th birthday, 247 days from today.

I know that sounds like a long time to lose the weight, and for some people it may be. For me- it’s not about dropping the weight as fast as I can, it’s about a lifestyle change that I don’t want to lose. I think I’ve wasted about enough time feeling like shit, I’m going for a lasting effect, and I’m not ready to waste one more day.

My only hesitation – losing these fabulous size B boobs that I have waited all my life for.  That’s what pregnacy is for, right?