you win some, you lose some… or you lose none. ha?

SURPRISE! I didn’t really make my goal. I bet no one saw that coming! Hahaha.

In fact, I’m exactly where I started at. 152.

On the upside, here are some things I’ve learned-

• 130 just isn’t a reality for me. I can beat myself up about not meeting my goal, or I can deal with the fact that my body is different than it was 10 years ago.  Despite the fact i’m still about 12-15 pounds over what I need to be, 130 just isn’t ideal. I would feel as bad about myself at that weight as I do now, simply because it would be a constant challenge for me to stay at that weight. What fun is that?
• An opportunity to be with friends, laughing over margaritas is always going to trump the gym. That doesn’t mean that I can’t suggest that every other time we want to get together that we go to the park and walk or ride bikes. Still time together, just maybe a bit smarter on the hips.
• What you eat really does make all the difference in how you feel, and how you will feel.  I’ve learned this from my addiction to my high fiber cereal, new love for spinach, and craving for water. The shitty foods I eat sometimes make me feel so bad that it just isn’t worth it.  I really try to live by healthy eating rules for myself, and although it frustrates me that the weight isn’t coming off just due to the change in my diet alone, I do feel like I’m making the right choices for my future.  Something I’ve been thinking quite a lot about since the recent diagnosis of my father.
• A month ago I finally gave away my “skinny clothes”.  Clothes that not only did I spend quite a bit of money on, but clothes that I LOVED. They were all sizes 6 and 8.  Yeahhhhh. Having them around just made me more frustrated. so,  i channeled stacy and clinton, and started buying clothes for my body NOW, not for my body circa 2003.
• Stop whining about the things you just can’t change, appreciate and accentuate the good. My thighs are big… always have been, probably always will be. My two top ribs stick out my torso for no apparent reason. Guess what- can’t move those around. But I have a nice small chest and as long as I’m lifting light weights, pretty nice arms. Ok. so bring on the sun-dresses with thigh coverage. At 30, I have more important things to focus on than whining that I’ll never look like Zooey Deschanel from that cotton commercial.  Damn that girl in her shorts and high heels.
• Laziness only gets you where you started.

In hindsight, I wish I wouldn’t have been so lazy. If  I would’ve just exercised or even walked for 30 minutes to an hour each day, I could’ve been down 10 pounds. That pisses me off.  But it’s my disappointed and I own that.

My beach vacation with Jeremy starts on May 8th. So now  my biggest priority is just trying to keep up the exercise and eating before then, so when I go swimsuit shopping in three weeks (round 2),  it won’t be the hell it was this week.  Or at least, I’ll be in a more positive state of mind.  I can deal with a fatty party dress this weekend. I can’t deal with a swim-skirt. Not yet, at least.

Thanks for hanging in on the little ride. I think I might keep this site up for awhile, at least until my vacation. Fingers crossed for a little scale action!

You can find me over here after that.

xoxoxo,

April